“Listen, learn, and lean in”: how to get the best out of difficult conversations

Dr Brené Brown talks about the importance of being vulnerable in her book, ‘Daring Greatly’. She gives great examples of challenging situations she’s successfully navigated. If we assume that people are doing their best in life, then that is a much more useful starting point than trying to second guess intentions and making assumptions. 

This is when problem solving can be a truly joint effort as you immediately put aside an ‘us vs them’ mentality and avoid setting up two sides to an issue. It is best to look for common ground and use that as a starting point. This helps to foster constructive conversations, so that trust can be established and solutions can be worked towards from the outset. 

Indeed, the recent amendments to the Family Procedure Rules which widened the definition of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) to include arbitration, collaborative law and evaluation by a neutral third party, serve as encouragement to proactively have such conversations - as we always do with clients from the outset.

We’re dedicated to helping people successfully navigate the breakdown of a relationship , to a resolution which suits all parties involved. By introducing the requirement to explain to the court what steps they have taken to resolve their dispute before making a formal application, time is built in for couples to truly consider out of court resolutions, which offer more flexibility, control and privacy. It is important to say that in some circumstances this won’t be appropriate, such as if domestic abuse is present. However, where appropriate, out of court routes can often speed up and alleviate the stress inherent in any court process.

Putting facts before feelings is essential. Huge feelings can crop up when we’re helping clients to redefine their vision for their future and that of their family’s. 

Taking a compassionate approach has to be at the heart of the decision-making process. We need to show the same understanding to each other too, as it’s emotive but extremely important work often involving the most precious and personal aspects of life. That’s why taking time to support one another and work through issues that naturally crop up as part of life is essential. 

Making space for others is integral to facilitating effective conversations. Similarly, listening without judgement is crucial to building effective teams, whether in the legal sector or in wider life. It goes without saying that clients who are going through the most tumultuous time of their lives need somebody to listen and to help them understand the options available to them. 

Becoming an effective facilitator of great conversations, where people can speak comfortably and feel heard, is one of the most important skills you can build over your legal career. Accommodating difficult feelings and perspectives supports the concept of psychological safety – something everyone values in a professional environment. Putting this skill into practice doesn’t require knowledge or experience – just a willingness to do your best to support clients to navigate the most challenging times of their lives and emerge with hope for the future.

Engaging with one another requires us to be human and authentic ourselves. I believe that in any conversation we should feel able to show up and engage with one another in an open, accessible way. To do so, we should all be ready to listen, learn, and lean into difficult conversations.

I don’t pretend to have all of the answers but I’m here always ready to learn and listen, as I hope to deliver clear advice for the benefits of my team and the clients we serve. I really believe clients and colleagues should be able to show up and engage with one another in an open, accessible way. So lean into the next difficult conversation you are faced with. By working and supporting one and other and our clients we can learn so much, ensuring we can provide a service which is not only professional but supportive as well.